Can't sleep tonight - can't seem to switch off. I get my pathology results on Wednesday. I know Cheryld asked me why I would wait and why I didn't just get the results from my GP - I guess if I'm being honest it's for the simple reason that I'm scared and that while I don't have the results I can kid myself a bit longer that I'm cancer free and maybe I am... If I'm not however, it's the beginning of the next part of my treatment and I have to say that the thought of rads scares me probably more than the thought of surgery did. Don't get me wrong, I may be hiding from the truth for an extra week but I will face whatever I need to head on when I have to. But for tonight, the thoughts just won't stop. My neck seems to hurt tonight where the dissection wound is and the pillow seems to be too hard so I can't get comfortable; my arm where the skin graph is itches like hell and it's all I can do not to scratch. This has turned into something of a rant from someone who is feeling particularly sorry for herself tonight so while I'm at it I add one more thought. I am bloody sick of mash potato!!!