Hi Debo

Your father may not have cancer on Base of Tongue (BOT) which is a particular part of the tongue which cannot be seen just by looking in the mirror because it is down the throat. It is possible your dad's cancer is on the bit of the tongue you can see which is called oral or anterior tongue.

Until you can find out where exactly it is, as well as what his treatment might be, it is very difficult to help you out with your questions.

Maybe you can ask permission of your Dad to get his doctor to explain it to you so that he doesn't have to? This might be via email or phone.

Questions might be: what is the name of the cancer and where is it? What is the medical term for where it is. What is the treatment going to be? What is the name of the chemo drug how often will it be administered? How long will the radiation go for? Is surgery going to be part of treatment?

Regardless of the above, there are some fairly standard things that people go through. Radiation is usually for 35 days over a 7 week period (5 days a week with weekends off). Most people tolerate the radiation quite well until around week 3 or 4 when the ulcers, and pain set in. Chemo (depending on what type and how often) might contribute to the general feeling of being unwell including tiredness. He might experience changes in taste, lose his appetite or have difficulty swallowing. He may also lose his saliva.

He will have pain at some point and which will make eating close to impossible before it starts to improve about 3-4 weeks after radiation finishes. Alex could not eat anything at all for 12 weeks only now starting on solids 3 years later. For him, the radiation blasted through his swallowing function and paralysed his tongue causing him to have learn a different way of chewing and swallowing. Alex had cancer on the BOT though and we are unsure of where your Dad has it.

Everyone is very different though and your father might follow the "norm" or have a different experience.

He WILL be tired, cranky and in pain - that is guaranteed and you need to do what you can to keep him happy. Some people don't want a "fuss" and this needs to be respected. If he says don't call, then don't call. Stay in touch by email and don't stress if he doesn't respond immediately. He has issues that are way bigger worrying about your sensibilities right now. Once he settles into a routine of sorts, he may be better able to organise things and one of the things he might consider is designating someone to keep everyone in the loop. This will free him up to face the task of getting through treatment which should be his first and only priority. It is your job to support him through that as much as you can from a distance.