Hi,

My dad, 78yrs, was diagnosed with oral cancer about 5 weeks ago. I can't give many details as he isn't being very open about it. He said that he started to suffer from a toothache type pain and went to the dentist. The dentist wasn't happy and sent him to our local private hospital for a c heck. He saw the consultant there who was sufficiently concerned to insist he had an appt at the local hospital for a biopsy. He was so concerned he told him to go home and wait by the phone for an appt the next day. He had his biopsy and, according to what he has told us, he has a malignant tumour. He said he couldn�t really feel it gut he thinks that it is the right side of his tongue and there appears to be a lump on the floor of his mouth.

Anyway he ahs seen his hospital team and they are doing the following.

1. eight weeks radiotherapy
2. Chemotherapy one a week for 8 weeks during the radio.
3. They have fitted a peg tube
4. He has been a lifelong smoker and was told if he didn�t give up he would be dead in 9 months. I have managed to get him on the e cigs and he seems to be sticking with those.

Anyway he had is peg fitted and was due to start his therapy on 30th July.

Yesterday he was taken in to hosp because his tube had become infected. I called the hosp and he was admitted. I spoke to the nurse and she said that his infection was serious and they would keep him in until it was cleared and his treatment couldn't start until it was clear. I spoke to dad and he seemed upbeat and said he would be out the next day. I didn�t tell him what the nurse had said. Needless to say he is still in and will be till at least Monday.

I�m not sure I know how to deal with this. My siblings are useless as my brother is selfish recovering alcoholic and my sister lives 200 miles away and doesn't seem concerned.

I have young family and work long hours. My wife is a god send and is arranging things for him and trying to look after him as best she can but he is very reluctant to tell details.

I�m concerned as well because his tongue seems to be growing quickly and his speech is getting slurred and, despite telling us he is eating well, the nurse confirmed that he only eats soft food like rice pudding as anything else is painful.

My wife has offered to cook all his meals and deliver them but he refuses as 'he doesn�t need help'.

Feel a bit alone in all this as we are trying to help but we need to know whats happening.

Any advice

Geoff