Oh Pamela. This brought back lots of awful memories and emotions. I too was the wife they all tried their best to avoid - or at least that's what I thought. The second time around was an awful month of living, eating and breathing the whole hospital thing. It is so much better and easier to be the staff member. Not the patient's Wife.
But you are right. We do indeed get through all this. Our lives move on, slowly but surely. After some time we do realise that things are better. Not ever the same. Better, but different. I also am grateful. So grateful for Life and that I still have my Darling.
Still have angst prior to each checkup/scope though. Guess that wont ever change, though I don't really dwell on these things.
Everything you said resonated with me.
I wish you and your Darling much life and great joy,
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!