Tinaelise-
The fact that you are looking for the "right" questions is a great plus. There are no set questions but you got the biggies! I'm a caregiver to a guy that (like Darrell) didn't have major surgery in the sense of radical/modified neck dissection but had gastrostomy, mediport (proved to be more important than the PEG) and all of his posterior teeth removed in preparation for the "hit them with the big guns" treatment. Conservative isn't an option in my mind because like Danny said - it isn't very forgiving.

DO NOT let ANY doctor leave the room if you still have questions or if something sounds like doctor/scientific language - regardless if you feel embarrassed to ask them to re-word. I even went so far as to tell my husband's doctor to pretend my husband was his mother. Would he discount the value of her life or the urgency of her care? He has been MOST responsive and descriptive ever since.

In Ed's case, we didn't even know where the primary site was - what we found was metastatic but I do know I know nothing about staging except someone told him his was Stage IV and I can't remember at what point they came up with it.

Regarding his PET Scans - we have always gotten (except for this last one at 1 year cancer free) results within hours.

I love my mom, too and frankly (though I'm not Catholic) she's my own version of Mother Theresa. She's God fearing, kind hearted, devoted to family and sometimes even a martyr - must be where I learned it! lol. I think its wonderful that your mom has you and her god. Put the two together with great doctors and our prayers/encouragement - she's in great hands. Best wishes and fight hard!

Susan