For seven years I was a single mom of eight kids, but on Oct 26th of 2012 my beau friend of 6 years and I got married. On Nov 12th he went in for surgery to remove part of his tongue and a neck dissection. It was his third occurrence of oral cancer. The first time was in 1998, then in 2006. I was with him in 2006. He had outpatient surgery to remove the growth on his tongue.

This time however, was a completely different story. He ended up with a tracheostomy, loss of 9/10th of his tongue, floor of his mouth rebuilt from the pectoral muscle, a complete neck dissection, and a feeding tube. Recovery was long and difficult.

On Feb 7th he felt like he was drowning. A trip to the ER followed a few days later with a biopsy revealing new tumor growth in his throat and neck. The doc said he may have 4 - 5 months left.

Honestly, I don't know how he can go on for much longer.
I hate that he has asked me to pray that he go "home."
He has various holes where stuff is draining from his neck. He feels like his life is constant personal maintenance. Feedings, trach cleaning, drainage cleaning, and repeat. The drainage needs to be cleaned about every two hours.
He's on hospice care now and they have given him a comfort pack. He doesn't want to take morphine because it makes him sleepy. But he's sleepy all the time anyway. As soon as he sits down in the chair he falls asleep.

For the most part he hasn't been in much pain, just an uncomfortable feeling of drowning or like someone is slowly squeezing his neck. But yesterday he started getting intense shooting pains in his head. I hate that!

He's the love of my life and I just hate watching - and waiting. I feel so ill equipped to handle this. Every night I roll over and wrap my arms around him and am afraid I might find his arms cold. When I leave the house and come back, I'm afraid he might be gone.

I wish I knew what to expect, but no one seems to know.

Thanks for having a place where I can just share what is on my heart.

Terri
wife to Mike