I would suggest finding a therapist to help you deal with the anxiety. Ask at your treatment center if they have one who deals with cancer patients. To me it sounds like you need to take anxiety meds. Many here have used them to get thru this bad period, even some caregivers too.

Everyone is always afraid of the unknown. Thats normal, but its not normal to be paralyzed with fear. Try to think of this in a logical, clinical manner. Something like this.... you have cancer, you must get treated, you know it wont be easy, but it is mandatory to take care of this, Recovery will take a while, you will slowly return to your regular lifestyle. By breaking it down to the facts you know it may be easier for you to deal with. Stick to the facts and dont allow your mind to wander and play the "what if" game. Limit the time you spend thinking about all of this. Give yourself a set amount of time like 5 minutes when you start thinking of your situation then change the channel. If necessary, force yourself to think of something more productive and positive. Anxiety does NOT help you one bit, it is actually detrimental to your health.

Many have found it greatly helps them to be active members of the forum. By hanging around here you are among friends who understand what you are going thru. Many have felt the same way and been in similar situations. Its ok to vent. We get you!

Speak up today and make some calls to get the ball rolling to find help.

Best wishes!!!