Thank you for your reply. Just writing that out helped a little. My family won't hear of it when I try to talk to them about the what ifs. I'm not saying a word to my mom of my concerns, but I'm so worried she'll be completely floored if the worst should happen. She's suffered from major depression for years, and I'm honestly not sure she has the spirit to take it. I'd rather it be me in her place. Thanks for letting me vent.