I agree with Linda; If your Mom was only 51 when she passed away, you must be quite young. I'm so sorry. Our oldest daughter was 26 when my husband was diagnosed. It was very hard on her.
I hope that you have an opportunity to speak with someone about your grief. Be sure not to keep it bottled up, even if you just write to us here and vent. This disease stinks, there's no 2 ways about it. It is always sad when we lose a friend or relative to it.
Feel free to write to us. We are always available.
Blessings,
Kathy

Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14