Hi Kelli,
I'll agree with Sabrina It is a fine line. I had panic atacks at first reading statistics. It is a good time in your life to review and make changes for the better.

Life is a terminal disease. You may already be cured of this cancer! On the other hand it was cancer there is no way around that. There have been stage 1 cancers that have become terminal. Likewise there are stage 4 cancers that have been beaten and survived. No one knows for sure.

I still marvel at my medical file when I go to the doctor now. For 40 years I bet there wasn't 50 sheets of paper in that file. Now it is a pretty large book. When I fill out medical history sheets where there used to be empty boxes for previous medical issues, now it takes me an hour and I find myself staring at the sheet thinking this isn't really me.

Yes we had cancer, there is no turning back. Could it kill me (or you).....Yes.....BUT IT HASN'T YET. After some time you can accept this and put it on a shelf. I don't think it is good to forget about it (denial) nor to dwell on it either.

Direct the energy you are spending on worry towards living each day as a gift (that was always true even before the big C) you will find a happier life each day.

Take care

Mark, 21 Year survivor, SCC right tonsil, 3 nodes positive, one with extra-capsular spread. I never asked what stage (would have scared me anyway) Right side tonsillectomy, radical neck dissection right side, maximum radiation to both sides, no chemo, no PEG, age 40 when diagnosed.