Dearest Forum Members Who Have Been There,

This short story of my experience with Cancer starts when I was 33yrs. old. I had a hoarseness in my voice, and a moderate pain in my left ear. My primary doc sent me to an ENT where I was carefully examined and sent home with more Flonase and Claritin for my allergies and no follow-up required. 3yrs. later I was encouraged to go back to the ENT just in case that "pleasant huskiness" to my voice was more serious than cute. Just how serious I had no idea. When the ENT found the tumor above my false vocal cord he assured me that because I had never smoked or abused alchohol or drugs it was most probably okay. The first biopsy didn't show anything wrong but the doc wanted to get a second biopsy to confirm it was not cancer. He sent me home relieved that he was sure it wasn't going to be cancer. Family, friends, and coworkers were happy for me. The next thing I knew I was sitting in the doctor's office telling him that I didn't have time to have cancer, I had just started a new life, graduated, had a new job, and besides he had said that statistically it was impossible for me to have throat ca (squamous cell)given my profile. I had a couple of weeks to check out all of my options. With my doctor's help I decided on a supraglottic laryngectomy with a direct laryngoscopy, tracheostomy, left lateral neck dissection, and cricopharyngeal myotomy. It was by far the most difficult thing that I have ever been thru, but like they say if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger. I got to go home from the hospital after about 2wks. My biggest concern wasn't being afraid of choking at first, but it was being afraid that I would never be able to sleep. I had not really had more than a couple of restless drenching wet hours of sleep since about the 4th day after the surgery. Sleeping pills didn't help. I called my doctor and frantically asked him if a person could die from not sleeping. I think that I was afraid that I would stop breathing if I lay a certain way. Relief did come (from a high dose of liquid Ibuprofen)and I learned how to sleep while sitting up. There was ca present in 1/33 lymph nodes so I had to follow up with 8wks. of radiation. That was all 6yrs. ago. I have since had metastasis to my liver and lungs. The liver looks good after resection and lots of chemo. The ca is now in both lungs and the last CT showed that they continue to increase in number and size. I am stage 4. Periodically I have had recurring tumors removed from my trachea. As far as I know I will always be using some chemo. I have tried the study drug Erbitux. (I lasted 3mos. on the Erbitux trial...I may elaborate on my experience with Erbitux later, but I will leave that out of my introduction for today.) The plan now is to get thru each day and accomplish at least 1 good thing each day. Friends have fallen off over the years, my world is no longer the same as theirs. I have grown dramatically close to my family, having many good chances to heal old wounds. I've also made a few new friends in unexpected places and ways that I don't think would have happened if I didn't have ca. I have a whole lot to be very thankful for, and I am happy to finally share my story. I hope that somebody out their can relate.
Thanks for reading this,
Smiles,
Candle