Hi there... I had a very similar tumor - while the way your dr. Went about treatment wasn't even remotely kind or right from a moral stand point, what he did was right in terms of insisting on immediate surgery - when I found out about my tumor (almost exactly the same size as yours) I wanted my surgery ASAP. That said he may very well have saved your life. This cancer can be very aggressive, and time is always of the essence - you should have been allowed the choice of getting your stuff together and sorted out, but realistically speaking when your life is on the line why wait?

Re the HPV test, what your dr. Should have explained (seems he's lacking in this department to say the least) is that most oral cancer (tongue, gum, cheek, etc) is not HPV related. Usually tonsil and base of tongue (down your throat) is. So it's highly unlikely, despite the fact you had HPV when your were younger, that ts is the cause. There are many different forms of HPV but only two actually can cause oral cancer.

Rads and chemo? Why? I know it's a valid question...I'm not sure if your dr. Did a neck dissection... He should have - but even if your scans come back clear there's a very much the possibility that there is microscopic cancer hiding in your nodes or elsewhere - chemo and rads is the best chance you have of stopping this in its tracks. My dr. said to me post op - "in my opinion you're cured... But just to be on the safe side I'm recommending you for chemo and radiation" he removed 40 lymph nodes from my neck with one being positive for cancer.
Based on the depth of your tumor I would suspect perineural involvement, this is indicative of the need for further treatment - because cancer tends to move along the path of least resistance - And nerve pathways offer little resistance. S that's probably why he is pushing. A clean scan is great but scans don't pick up microscopic cancer. Also a lot of drs make the mistake of removing the tumor and then send the patient home saying youre cured only to discover there was some hiding inthe nodes, it has spread, and now they're chasing it. This ver thing happened to my dear friend Liza - who was also from Australia - your district actually - she passed away the day Whitney Houston died, but she fought long and hard. Drs are sometimes not nearly aggressive enough with this cancer. Perhaps your dr. Is being cautious and rightly so.
Personally I had almost half of my tongue removed and yes speech was hard at first, but it does come back once you gain more control over your new tongue. (missskate - a member here - has had her entire tongue removed and is doing fantastically several years out) Chemo and rads will be a big step backwards but it's usually for the best. And eventually you do recover. I would suggest that if it doesn't cause a delay In treatment get another ENT - but at this point whether you like him or not is moot as you will soon be in the hands of a medical oncologist and radiation oncologist. I personally am not a fan of my rads guy - bedside manner 0 - but he is great at what he does so I live with him, and use my ENT and GP when I really need someone to talk me down of the ledge (usually if something odd pops up) I only see my rads guy every 6 mos at this point. My ENT is my main contact but they tag team me, so I see someone every 3 mos.

I'm 14 mos past radiation and I can speak almost perfectly - there are days my tongue doesn't want to cooperate but eventually it calms down.

As for stats - ignore them - stage 2 is curable but so are 3 and 4 - people diagnosed at stage 1 have passed away, and some at stage 4 have survived - there are many factors - health, dr skill, treatment, aggressiveness of the cancer etc... As someone here is fond of saying your chances of survival are either 100 % or 0...
Hugs to you - I know this must have been very traumatic but you will get through it. Please dont be afraid to ask questions of your dr. You should be well informed. Take care and welcome.