Hi and welcome to OCF Liz,
Ross was also a friend of mine both here and on Facebook and we are all saddened at his recent passing.
I am so sorry that you lost your dear father not long ago and are now facing the oral cancer diagnosis and treatment of your husband.
No wonder you are somewhat shell shocked!
I am sure there are lots of people here who are able to help with your questions.
Your friend was right to point you in direction of this forum. You will find it invaluable.
Gabriele

History Leukoplakia bx 8/2006 SCC floor mouth T3N0M0- Verrucous Carcinoma.
14 hour 0p SCC-Right ND/excision/marginal mandibulectomy 9/2006, 4 teeth removed, flap from wrist, trach-ng 6 days- no chemo/rad.
6 ops and debulking (flap/tongue join) + bx's 2006-2012.
bx Jan 2012 Hyperkeratosis-Epithelial Dysplasia
24cm GIST tumour removed 8/2013. Indefinite Oral Chemo.

1/31/16 passed away peacefully surrounded by family