There is always a trade off Eshwar. No one would ever believe that radiation in the kinds of doses we allow to our bodies to be exposed to in our effort to survive is good for us, or come without accompanying collateral damage. That is a given. The question that I have grown to accept the answer to, is that since it is not without consequences, what were my choices? Few to none. To let a cancer prosper to the point of causing my death, or throwing everything in the armmamentarium at it to stay alive at that point in time, leaving thoughts of the future, to the future.

To use a military analogy; a frontal assault may win the day, but you are going to pay dearly for it. It is a tactic of last resort. And it does not mean that after your successful assault you will hold that piece of turf that you fought for indefinitely. But those subsequent battles would not even be in your playbook if you didn't win the first battle. When you use nuclear weapons, you do so with the knowledge that this is serious s**t. Holding the hill is a series of block and defend maneuvers, and are only successful based on what assets you have left in your gear bag. And they occur while you are wounded to boot.

So I took my best shot, which I believe was the logical choice. I knew I wasn't going to be normal ever again, and I knew that the consequences of a nuclear approach (in cancer or in combat) has LOTS of long term negative consequences. But I got the chance to fight those subsequent battles another day, though each time a little more diminished by the effort, until finally something really bad comes along again. For me, that day of reckoning has been coming for some time. There have been more than a few skirmishes since the initial battle. I've used most of my assets to fight them, and am weaker and older now as a result. So this is going to be a tough one. But what other choices would a logical mind make back at day one?

I bought more than a decade if things go south. I am not sorry that I took the path I did. Your doctor and your father have come to similar conclusions - fight the fight that you have today, with what you have to fight with�. tomorrow will come soon enough. Cancer is an enemy that is never fully vanquished. And those enemies that it brings with it, continue their assaults even if you beat the Big C itself. This is the nature of our lives, whether as cancer patients and survivors, or just travelers on the human journey. Duck and parry, -strike, and advance- duck, and parry again, (repeat ad nauseum) until the final bell rings.

Brian, stage 4 oral cancer survivor. OCF Founder and Director. The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.