Who said your hair won't grow back? Why not? I'm 3 months post rads and I have an inch of hair ( my hair grows fast) in the areas affected that were furthest away from the radiation site - and about half an inch closer to the areas - it wasn't until month 2 my hair started coming back! You may have a patch that is permanent but not all of it. My hair is thin but I have a lot -I lost scads all along the collar line - up to the middle of my ear and it thinned up to the crown mostly on the left Side - the area that was really blasted!! Not fun - I look bit like a scarecrow! So I pull it back into a non existent bun! Were talking what looks like maybe 100 hairs!!! The rest of it had breakage! It should grow back!
And as for the fear I know how you feel - we all do - and you're right I look at it this way - I've done all I can treatment wise - I've adjusted my diet - and try to meditate daily! I've done what I can to get and stay healthy - if it comes back I'll fight it then but other than what I'm already doing nothing else will change the future so I'm not going to freak out or worry. I don't like waiting for scan results but at least they are availbl to me. Hugs! And heeling vibes to you!