@ Kelli: The survivors who have weighed in are giving you great advice and, if anyone can give you advice and help you through it, it's them.

You just took a big hit. It's hard to think about fighting when you've been through it already. It sucks without a doubt. It sucks more than anything except for maybe hearing, "there's nothing more we can do for you."

Remember back to when you forced your mom to get treatment for her lung cancer. I'm sure you can remember the reasons why you wanted her to have treatment. She made it through. She took the hit of the DX, it knocked her down, you helped her get back up and she got into fight-mode. Now, she's returning the favor. It's hard to want to fight right now. Soon, you're survivor instincts will kick in and you'll want to fight. Besides, you don't want to just let it run it's course. Ask any of the old-timers here (Charm and ChristineB, in particular) and they'll tell you it will be a horrific thing to go through. And, if you change your mind later and want to go for treatment, it may be too late.

I'm sorry your sister chose to end her life. It is a cruel burden to bear for everyone who is left behind. My heart hurts for you that you are going through so many tragic situations. Not knowing more, the best I can say is suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is sad when things seem so dark that a person can't see any other alternatives. But, since you are leaning towards going back into the ring to fight your recurrence for your parents' sake, your sister's death isn't for naught. It is a fitting tribute to your sister for you to choose life.

Give it hell, Kelli! You can do it. You did it before. Why let all the effort you put into fighting it last time be wasted on giving in to it this time? There's lots of good to be had on this side of the grass. Don't let cancer take that away from you without a fight.

Sending a hug and lots of positive thoughts. This is a fight you can win!

Sandy