He indeed does have a good sense of humor, a sign of strength I might add, especially given what he is going through. It goes without saying that from what you know now, this is not a recurrence, at the very beginning the doctors missed the boat on finding the base of tongue cancer which does not present as a secondary, but a primary cancer. Blame can be left for later, but when that point comes, leave yourself out of the equation. It is reasonable to expect that doctors will give you the proper answers and treatments at the proper time. If that did not happen, the blame is hardly yours. This is a topic that is currently under heated debate in the activism portion of the web site, about our need to be informed to make the best decisions possible, since as in all things, skills and knowledge of doctors varies from person to person, as in any other profession.

I think that it would be appropriate to at least have some second opinions regarding the chemotherapy options, even if they are by phone. If you need some leads to some major cancer centers for a phone consultation I will send them to you by email if you write me asking for them.

In the meantime, do not make the assumption that all is lost. Many people with late stage oral cancers are still around to talk about it. Your husband is not a statistic, or a disease. He is a unique biological entity with his own, perhaps unique and miraculous, way of responding to treatments. The future has not yet been written.