Welcome to OCF. You will get lots of support to help you deal with everything. As a caregiver, I think you have a very difficult job. To me being the patient was the easy part. I saw the hurt and saddness in my son's eyes when he would visit me in the hospital.

I will try to help you, but it will be from the patients point of view. I had all my teeth removed after my second round of oral cancer in the hopes of getting dentures. My teeth were ruined from my first round of cancer, the radiation made them very loose and crooked. I did 85 oxygen treatments. It was in a clear glass tank breathing oxygen under pressure.

During the spring and summer of this year, I felt great. I felt as though the cancer was finally behind me. My son and I went on a 25 mile bike trip. We were making plans to do white water rafting. We were always very active, and I finally had my strength back.

Then in July, I got the bad news. My cancer was back for the 3rd time. Like your mom, I was shocked at how I could feel so good and yet be sick. My left lower jaw had to be removed and I would go back on the feeding tube. My jaw would be made from steel. My life as I knew it was over. I found a home for my 2 dogs with a friend from OCF. Her mom has them. I put my beautiful house up for sale. I lived way back in the woods, much too far from help if I needed it while recovering.

On August 24th, I went thru the operation. I had some complications and ended up having 4 operations along with picking up Mersa over an 8 week timeframe. I was kept fully sedated for several weeks in ICU due to the pain level being unbearable. Every time the docs would try to wake me up I would try to pull out everything i was hooked up to and claw at my face. Next I was moved to the burn unit so I would have better care for all my wounds. Still I was pretty much sedated to keep me calm. I had 3 donor sites on my thighs which needed to heal. From my right forearm muscle, veins, nerves and tendon was taken. All the wounds were very large and painful.

There were many moments that I wished I hadnt gone thru with the operation. I felt so bad that I would have rather died than continued hurting so much. It seemed like I would never improve enough to go home. I started to lose hope that I would get better. My son came to see me every day and did his very best to let me know how much I was loved and needed. My OCF pals would call and some would visit or send cards. My memory was affected and i still cant remember about 3 months of what happened.

Today is almost 3 months since I had the surgery. I am doing great!!!! My improvement came about 2 weeks after I was home. The more I walked and paid attention to my hydration, calories and tube feedings, the better I felt. Since I had cancer and the peg tube before, I knew what was necessary to feel better. My apartment is near a very large park. Somedays when its warm, I walk to the park and feed the squirrels. Next spring, I plan on riding my bike in the park. I am able to drive and go to the grocery store. I take care of myself completely now, I clean and even sometimes cook dinner. I eat yogurt, soup and puddings. My outlook is positive and Im very happy that I did the operation.

Your mom is going thru a terrible time right now. Im sure she is in alot of pain. It must be awful for you to watch someone you love struggle and not be able to help them. Things will get better for both of you. Motivation and positive thinking helped me. I got over 200 cards, flowers and many prayers from friends and fellow OCF members. My hospital had an online place for people to send free cards. Maybe you could look up her hospital online, if they offer that service it might brighten her day.

I hope my story gives you an idea of how long an operation like this takes to begin to feel better. This type of operation has a long recovery time. If your mother is upset and hurting, the doctors need to give her proper medications. Make sure the nurses know she is in pain. Please keep visiting and encourage others to visit as well. Even if she doesnt remember, it will give her comfort while they are there. I wish you the both the best of luck with your mother's recovery. Please feel free to ask any questions.