I have frequently found in my own life,. that I do not change until the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of the change itself. Seems crazy, but in some ways, though I was never a big drinker and never smoked, I relate to what you are saying. When we get a little distance between ourselves and a really negative event, sometimes the acute discomfort of that event pales. We can easily fall back into a mindset that involves denial...and that ain't a river in Egypt. I wish you the best in this current fight. I have no personal experience with brachytherapy, but a know some other posters here have. I'm sure they will post to you their experiences.