Hi christine

Thank you so much for replying. I am really trying to stay as calm as i can. Getting sleep is proving the hardest part. The anxiety of it all is preventing me falling asleep and yet again i find myself up in the middle of the night for the 4th night in a row. Tonights big worry is how long has this lesion been in my mouth without me noticing it. I cannot feel the lesion very well with my tongue as its painless, smooth and almost flat so im worrying if its been there months and ive not spotted it until 3 weeks ago when i felt it with my finger. I wonder how long its been spreading and if its now also elsewhere in my body. Like you say getting an answer and knowing what im facing will actually help as i can focus on beating it. I guess fear of the unknown is always the worst.

Work is proving hard to concentrate but at least its keeping me busy i guess. Im an accountant so staying focused and not making mistakes is the hardest part. I am trying hard not to think about it but i was sat at my desk yesterday wondering if i would even be sat there in a few months or if i would be battling the hardest fight of my life. I just keep hoping its all a horrible nightmare and im going to wake up and its all a dream....if only!

Reading your reply has helped so much and you are 100% correct in everything you say. I cannot thank you enough. Just knowing someone else in the world understands what im going through makes a massive difference. I so want to be able to talk to my wife about this as we are soul mates and are always there for each other but i am not burdoning her with this until i now more.

The NHS is a strange one. On one hand its totally free so no worry about medical inaurance or bills, but on the other its painfully beureacratic and takes forever to get through the system. It also means you get whatever doctor/ specialist you are assigned. Once you are under a specialist you then only deal with that department and they book everything. So once i finally get the referral i will be checked over and an appointment will be made for ct/mri/biopsy. Unsure which order they will be done. All long winded and time consuming.

im hoping my dentist can get me an urgent referral. Thats all im expecting from wednesdays appointment with the dentist. I dont expect my dentist to know too much about oral cancer (especially hard palate) as they tend to concenttate on teeth. Like you say. Its the biopsy that counts. There opinion is meaningless except i need him to get me that referral to the specialist.

We actually have a trip to australia booked in 3 weeks (for 16 days). My wifes brother lives there. This holiday has come at a bad time although it has been booked in for a year. I fully expect i will get my referral to the ent specialiat while we are away. I really wish we could change the dates but flights are non refundable and have cost thousands. Those 16 days are going to prolong diagnosis and will also mean an extra 16 days in starting treatment or having an operation if they find its cancer.

Part of me wants to cancel the holiday and take the hit on the flights. But my family would be devastated, especially my wife who is so looking forward to meeting her brother as its been so long. As i wont have a diagnosis it also means 16 days of tumour growth and the prolonged torture of not knowing if i have cancer. If this is cancer i know that surgery is going to be horrendous when dealing with the hard palate. Thanks to the internet it is now in my head and i cant unforget what hard palete cancer entails i cant unforget the poor survival rates and at best massive permanent disfigurement for the rest of my life

My nephew is also getting married in may. If this is cancer that will probably be when i am having or had major surgery so i may not even make that.

I think im struggling due to the fact that my life basically hangs on the outcome of what this tiny 2cm lesion in my mouth. Its surreal.

Will 16 days make a massive difference to the prognosis and outcone if treatment is needed? I guess i mean could those 16 days make a difference to the stage of the tumour and the outcome of my treatment?