We know exactly where you are and really what you are feeling. My husband was 52 when he was dx. We have 3 kids we had adopted 2 years before. They are now 15,13 and 11. It WAS a terrifying time, but we got through it. He was off work for 6 months but has been back since January.
The surgery they scheduled is probably to find the primary tumor. That was what they did a couple of days after our PET. They found it was BOT and couldn't see anything in any of the scopes. It was also HPV+ which has a much better prognosis.
Hang in there Hockey Dad. You can do this and we will be with you every step of the way. If your wife would like to speak with another caregiver I would be happy to talk to her. It will be overwhelming and her having an outlet is VERY important. I wish I had found this site earlier in our tx, but once I found it I had SO much support.
Keep in touch.
Blessings,
Kathy