Hi all,

Thanks for this forum.

My husband had a biopsy taken from a lump in his upper right gum last week and is waiting for the results. His symptoms were that he started to get bone loss and teeth became wobbly and now three have been taken out as they died. They thought it was severe gum disease, to begin with - he was given antibiotics but they did nothing. After a scan, they noticed a mass in his gum, which is getting bigger and heading into the sinus area. He's been told it isn't an abscess, it's definitely some kind of slow-growing mass.

Obviously, he is devastated. I'm devastated for him and for us. We don't know if the mass is cancerous yet but it could be. My husband feels tired all the time as well - but I guess that could be stress as well as everything else.

On top of that, I was HPV+ a few years back which has since cleared up via laser treatment. So maybe I passed it to him or from him to me and then back again? I'm wracked with worry and also feeling guilty and responsible which I know is irrational as it's nobody's fault. We don't even have the results yet. I've read your HPV section, it's very informative, but I'm still worried. He said that he doesn't blame me if it does turn out to be HPV cancer. He actually said 'what a way to go!' if I did pass HPV onto him which I guess is kind of funny, but totally awful all at the same time.

Just reaching out for some support from you all.

Thanks,

Maddie

Hi maddie,welcome to the group please be calm and be strong for him no matter what the result hpv + cancers respond well to treatment so educate yourself the more you read posts here more you will be prepared to support him,Goodluck.

Hi Maddie,

Welcome to the forum. This is a great place to get information and there are many here who will want to help and offer advice. Three years ago, we suddenly found out I had stage 4 cancer on my tongue and it was possibly HPV related. My wife felt guilty but it is hard to say exactly where my cancer came from (non-smoker, social drinker only). And, honestly, I didn't care other than wanting my wife to not feel guilty/responsible. Cancer is a fickle beast. We talked it through and eventually she relaxed and let go of that guilt.

From a medical perspective, the best advice I can offer it seems you already have, which is to jump on this situation and find a medical team that you trust. You may find writing in a journal will help. I did that every day for months. I ended up writing about all kinds of stuff - memories from childhood, current fears, doctor notes, etc. I enjoy going back and reading it occasionally. It gives me a reminder of how far we have come over these years.

Please let us know once you have more information about your husbands condition.

Stay safe and keep the faith,
Nels