Hi Cheryl,

Could H have a twin? You bet! Tom went through this but I seem to have convinced him to take his BP meds throughout but... 2 months post-surgery (dissection) he has stopped taking his meds...albeit because he just went back to work and they make him tired. His cheeks are again, flushed and last nite I told him he has to take them if he wants to survive. One more thing you might try...I ratted on him. Told his oncologist and she said no meds, no treatment..she even called his cardiologist. He was embarassed but it worked. He has even told me that he will not go through any more treatment at this point. Have him spend a little more quality time with his kids. We had a small miracle happen when my daughter gave birth to our first grandson and Tom responded with joy. He wants to be there to see all and he adores his grandson (and he was not the most responsive father when the kids were small). One thing my hubby has going for him is that he has a tremendous amount of faith. He feels that he brought this upon himself and he feels that he just received a heavy tap on his shoulder.
Now I know that you are overwhelmed (and you sound like you have your hands quite full, just remember that it could have been ALOT worse. Believe me, I fully understand your plight...Tom was out of work for 9 months and I could not work due to my own issues.
I hope that I may have helped you in some way. Please try to encourage him to take his meds...the neck dissection is neccessary for him to fully recover. He will eventually regain his strength and will regain some taste...it is up to you to try every single thing that you can to get him to eat healthy and get in as many calories as he can. Tom refused Ensure until now, realizing that the feeding tube kept him sustained during and some time after treatment. He got his PEG tube out after one month post-dissection. That happened because he wanted it so badly and so did I.He felt more whole and it greatly changed his attitude towards getting back to life "as usual".
Good luck. Email me if you need any more help.