Amy, just reading what you've written tells me that Cancer has already changed you for the better. I'm pretty sure it will continue to, but I'll offer up a little advice to you while you start your journey through the treatment process. Remember...cancer does NOT define who you are.

Don't ever say, in public or in private that this demon MAY beat you. Don't let it, period. It can and will do a lot of things to you physically, and treating it will not be pleasant but there are a lot of things cancer can't do

It can't cripple love. It can't shatter hope. It can't corrode faith. It can't destroy peace. It can't kill friendships, and it can't suppress memories. It can't silence courage, and it cannot invade the soul.

It can't conquer your spirit if you refuse to let it. You talk about feeling guilty...stop it. You did not wake up one morning and decide to have cancer; you have nothing to feel guilty about.

It's already given you the gift of insight. There are other gifts that it has to offer if you're prepared to take them, but like anything of value, it won't come easily. The treatment is harsh, but there will be good days, and lots of time to reflect. Keep doing spontaneous things...looking at Christmas lights through the eyes of a child is an amazing experience. So are a lot of other things.

It doesn't define you, but you can use it to your advantage in defining who you really want to become.
Wayne