I again wish to thank you all for your messages. I am having a hard time finding the support I need elsewhere. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of family and friends that are so very helpful and loving. I am not even kidding when I tell you that I am on the prayer list for 11 different churches. My Sister and one of my Brothers are so very helpful when it comes to child care and that kind of stuff. They also offer support, the best they can. But the support that I have been getting from people close to me is that I should really quit worrying because it's pretty minimal cancer. They tell me that "you'll be fine". I know they all mean well, but it makes me feel like they are minimizing the whole situation. I guess they don't know what else to say. And, they are probably right, I will likely be okay. But I have Cancer. Yes, it was caught early. Yes, I probably will be "fine". But as you all know, when you have this DX, you are scared.

I know that most, if not all of you have had your TX. Or are going through it right now. My fears are likely in a different stage. But aside from the fears about the surgery, I am feeling really emotional. Even though I have been told that I should be okay, I am still really sad about this whole deal. I am a strong person, I don't rattle easily. But this has gotten me rattled.

My hubby and I had an argument tonight about Christmas. We are financially in a bit of trouble now. He is a construction worker and winter is slow. I will need to take time off for surgery, which isn't going to be covered by STD because of the pre-exisiting clause. So money is tight. He is upset that I bought so much stuff for the kids for Christmas. The thing is, I didn't spend very much money. I did some really good sale shopping. He thinks that they have enough already. I agree, they have plenty of toys. I know that this holiday is not about how many presents, but more about family. But they are little kids. I want them to wake up to a few things on Christmas morning. I am really looking forward to seeing their excitement. I want to have this memory to get me through. I figure I'll be out of commission for a couple of weeks. I just want a good memory out of this. Hubby thinks that I am crazy, I think. He thinks that I am "going overboard" because I think this is my last X-Mas. Well, I don't think that this is my last one. But is my last Christmas before my TX starts. It is significant to me. Have I completely lost my mind?

In all fairness to hubby (Brad), I think he is scared. Even though my outlook is pretty good, I am sure he is worried. He just really sucks at showing his support. I really know he supports me, he just really stinks at it. That is why I am so very appreciative of you guys (and girls). You people are awesome.

Amy