Amy, Brad is no different than any other spouse/caregiver...he's as terrified as you are. I was told early on in my whole journey that cancer is one of the true acid tests of a relationship. You find out a lot about what you're both made of.
My wife was and is the one who, when I would get feeling too overwhelmed by everything, would bring me back from the edge of losing it with rational, compassionite discussion.
On more than one occasion, it was through a swift kick in the you-know-what that I needed, and she was there to give it to me. Without her, I would NOT have survived this ordeal.
She has been with me every Second of every Minute of every hour, of every day that I have fought this disease. After surgery, I suffered respiratory and cardiac arrest sue to complications, and was in a chemically induced coma for 5 days.
They tried to get her to go home but even security wasn't going to convince my 120 lb. wife of anything. She took blankets off of a cart, cushions from a waiting room couch and made a bunk on the floor beside me in ICU, until they fully understood that cooperating with her was going to be a lot easier than fighting her.
I had so much nonense go on with my family during the early stages of my diagnosis that I severed all contact with my Mother and sisters; they were simply making everything much more difficult to deal with.
Some people simply don't deal with this diagnosis well at all; another fact. I called the noise ( and it was noise, not communication or support) "hollow talking".
It came from a variety of sources; people who simply did not know what to say, or people saying exactly what you didn't need to hear.
You and Brad will have the toughest time during your treatment. In may ways, Brad will have it worse. You see, your choices here are really pretty simple...be treated and live, or don't. You and I know what your choice is, so does Brad.
I said it will be worse for him because he will be watching the woman that he loves, the Mother of his children, get sick, probably sicker than he's ever seen her before, and will be unable to do ANYTHING for you but offer you his love and comfort.
Trust me, and convince him, that is ALL you need to get through the next phase. Give the rest of your support network specific jobs to do, instead of letting them come up with ideas.
Assign them the things that you normally look after in your life, and forget about them. They will feel like they are really helping you, because they are. You won't have to worry about those tasks you gave away and can concentrate on you, and getting well again.
Enjoy your Christmas. We ALL spend too much money on the kids this time of year. That's a fact. Our kids are all adults, and it hasn't changed a bit.
There will NEVER be enough money, yet we always make it through somehow, just like you. In 20 or 30 years, you can look back on the Christmas of 2006 and laugh about the concerns you and Brad may have over money spent, I garauntee it.
In the big scheme of things, it's really not that important. What is important is this is the first Christmas that cancer is part of your life. It'll be an unwelcome guest this year, and each year after this one, you'll make sure it doesn't get invited back for dinner, O.K.?
Wayne
