Katherine: It looks like with all your worrying that you are attaching emotionally to future outcomes. Worrying how much this or that is going to hurt, how bad intubation will or won't be, whether the pain killers will work or not.

It will be what it will be ... worrying about it ahead of time won't change anything ... but it will drive you crazy and make everything much worse than it needs to be. It will keep you up at night, unable to sleep. In general it will just make your life miserable, but only if you let it.

Go read about forum member Bart. He has had a many year, many recurrence running battle with cancer here on the forum. Yet he has maintained a very positive attitude, one that he has shared with many others (including me), one that has worked very successfully for many of us to help us get through this very tough time of our lives.

The short version is to just calm your mind. Refuse to worry about all the little things that might go wrong. After all, you don't know that they WILL go wrong, just that they MIGHT. I know it's not easy to do, that's why I refer you to what Bart has written. Take the time to look him up and read what he has told so many of us. It really will make this horrible journey you and we are on a little more tolerable.

Now get to work, you have some reading to do.

Tony