Hi Muffy:

In preparation for treatment - eat, eat a lot, and then eat some more, eat all the time, as if you were trying to get FAT. You WILL lose weight in treatment, that's a given. What you don't want to do is to lose too much weight and that is entirely possible. Radiation is tough on the body, add chemo and it's even worse. My treatment nurse said cancer is hyper-metabolic. It eats a LOT of calories; it eats many of the calories you take in, leaving little to none for your normal metabolic functions.
The treatment process eats even more calories, making it very difficult to stay ahead of the curve. Many a day I lost one whole pound. Five to seven pounds in a week will scare your nurses to death.

So, don't minimize or ignore what people are telling you when they say eat, eat, eat. As you get further into treatment it just gets worse. Right now while you still have an appetite and can taste food, EAT. You will lose the taste soon enough and with that goes your appetite. Throw in with all this that as you get further into treatment the side effects will get worse, ie throat burn, mouth dryness, mucositis. In general your mouth and throat just hurt. It's hard to eat when it hurts. I am through with treatment (going on 2 weeks now), but because I still have no taste, I also have no appetite, so I have to just force it down every day. Fortunately, I was a plump little dumpling before treatment started, so I had some extra to lose without becoming mal-nourished. If you lose too much (my nurses said 10% of your body weight) they WILL put you on a PEG feeding tube. You don't want that. I reached 10% on the last day of my treatment and my nurse nutritionist said she was glad to get rid of me because I didn't show enough remorse about continued weight loss.

Now, if you are a slim, trim, underweight little thing eating for you is even more important as you don't have any extra you can afford to lose. Okay, enough about eating, I hope I have gotten your attention. I didn't listen closely enough, I am lucky that my weight loss didn't cause some serious medical conditions that required hospitalization as many on this forum have faced. I shouldn't say this, but I love the look of the new, skinny me. Like I said, I shouldn't have said that.

As for continued sex, including oral sex, you didn't just get this thing yesterday (HPV). Anything you have, you have likely exposed your FWB too already. Even if you have exposed him, that doesn't mean he will get oral cancer. My info says that 90+ percent of the adult population gets exposed to some form of HPV during their lives and that most of them clear it normally via their immune system. So, even if you exposed him, he might be one of the lucky majority that clears it normally anyway. then again he might be part of the unlucky minority that it turns into cancer for (like you and me).

I am curious about why your doc said no more oral sex. I definitely think that is a question you need to ask him why about and for him to explain in detail. Be prepared to write down what he says so you completely understand his reasoning. I know there are a lot of people here on the forum that would love to know the answer to that question. Hint, hint: please tell us when you know.

I think the prudent thing to do is to explain all this 90+ percent stuff to the FWB, so that he can make an informed decision about what is best for him and his future. It might also be beneficial and show concern on your part if you took him with you to the doctors office and let the doc explain it to him. Don't be surprised if he decides to call it quits. If he doesn't, then maybe he's worth more than being a FWB. And having a caregiver during treatment is always a good thing. Your son can do some of it, but another adult would be even better.

Okay, my candid button is tired. If you have more questions, ask. I'll keep up with your thread, others will too. We will continue to show you why this is the best cancer support forum family on the planet.