Hi Tanya! You have found the perfect place to get the emotional support you need. We are very good at helping patients adjust to their 'new normal'. I will share a little of my story to help you to understand where I am coming from.

Ive had oral cancer 3 times and the last one in 2009 left me severely disfigured. My left lower jaw was removed and there were complications. I became a patchwork of body pieces transplanted all over. I have far too many scars and sore spots even after several reconstructive surgeries. Before I got sick I was a very attractive vibrant woman and after I am hideous. I think since I was a single mother who had 100% responsibility for my children and everything else it made me mentally very strong.

If this had happened to someone who was a bit more delicate they probably would be shuttering themselves inside their house. Somehow, I have not sat still feeling sorry for myself or spending much time thinking of my old life. I would give ANYTHING to return to my old life but it isnt ever going to happen. Sometimes we just need to realize there are so many others in this world who are much worse off and that they still can live a good productive happy life. I have always been a happy, positive person who sees the good in things rather than the bad side. I have found that by helping others it helps me as much as it helps them. By concentrating on someone else's problems I tend to worry less about my own.

Please think of how fortunate you are to have wonderful children to care for and a husband who loves you. So many people spend their whole lives searching for that special person only to never even come close to finding them. Many many families are longing to have children and they cant. My children are what pulled me thru the last round of my illness. I was ready to give up and let nature take its course but because of my children, I decided I must at least give the surgery a try. I couldnt not try and leave them without a parent or anyone in the world. So think of how fortunate you are to be surrounded by a loving family, that should help.

Maybe doing something to help others would make you feel more fulfilled. Try volunteering at a local animal shelter. Animals are so therapeutic and show their appreciation in such joyful ways. Try volunteering at your church by visiting the elderly or at a senior citizens home. Too many elderly have little or no family that will visit so they are very lonely. Take pleasure in the small things in life and make the most of every day. It is after all a gift to be alive and mostly healthy!

If nothing I have suggested sounds like it would be helpful, please just give it a try. You never know how much happiness you have inside you until you see how others are helped by it. Of course there are also therapists and medications which can help get you past this hump. It does help alot of people. They are the professionals and know how to help get a cancer patient out of the 'cycle of despair'. I really think just by you joining this forum, you will find a whole group of new friends that all 'get it'. Us oral cancer patients are like one big family to each other.

Good luck!!!!