After you get some feedback from others who may have been through something like this, I would talk it over with a professional. My guess is it is a symbol of something awful that you have been through, maybe a little post traumatic stress rearing its head now that you aren't in the thick of the battle. No shame in that. Best of luck.

CG to husband Stage IV SCC left tonsil 11/11. Mets to 7 nodes on left, 2 on right, no distant mets. PEG, 7 weeks radiation and weekly Cisplatin ended Feb 10, 2012. PET 04/12 areas consistent with inflammation, complete response in nodes. Recurrence 09/13 pulmonary lymphatics. Died 22 Oct following an allergic reaction to Erbitux.