I was reading through Matt's facebook posts and came across this one from a year ago...

"Chemo night from hell last night. Wife would have held my hair out of the puke if I had any. Kept me in pills and held my shivering hands with 102.5 degrees.. kept me hydrated. Now I know what it is to be loved. Love you BabyDoll."

He knew. I did everything I could. This makes me smile and cry at the same time.
The first week and a half after his passing was filled with tasks to be done.
Now that it's all calming down and I have time to think and remember I cry a lot more. I am trying to write things down so I will have them always.