I think you need to go and talk to someone that will understand you situation and then help you thru these thoughts. Why no Neck dissection? It isn't that bad. I am divorced too and have gone thru everything that can be done alone just about. Parts of my tongue taken on both sides, neck disection, radiation and chem, rad seed implants which I think were the worst thing so far, I can't even count the different things like MRI's, CtScans, Pet scans, biospies and the rest. I have had 3 abdomial aortic anneurysm surgeries, the nissen fundiplication , 7 shoulder and elbow surgeries and others. Now I am waiting to meet with an ENT in Pittsburgh to lower my stomache back to it's original location for a feeding tube. Then my lower jaw all has to go and maybe my left shoulder blade will be a jaw, that is id there is enough left to work with. Heck, it's life I want and can take the funny face and skinny body I now possess. If I can make life worth having, then you can too. 1st OC surgery was in Aug 2007. But diagnosed well before that. I knew I had it but never had a name until the Dr told me it was OC.