Hi...I so wish that I wasn't here.

Here's my background. I'm a 51 year old non-smoker (never) who rarely has a drink. I was diagnosed with geographic tongue about 6 or 7 years ago. The anterior portion of my tongue was reddish, and it was sensitive to spicy, acidic foods and carbonated beverages. In 2007 my dentist noticed a whitish plaque on the right edge of my tongue and recommended biopsy. Two biopsies were taken and both came back benign. This past summer I developed a lesion on my tongue that was painful, and didn't go away. I had it biopsied in September, which came back benign.

In October, my only sibling, my sister, committed suicide. Two weeks before Christmas, my mother was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. I took time off work to make the associated appointments for my mother's care. I decided to have the lesion removed from my tongue, because it was so painful. The ENT surgeon who did the September biopsy did the surgery. Since the biopsy was benign, we didn't do frozen section at the time of surgery. The permanent section came back Oral Squamous Cell Carcinoma, and the margins weren't clear. I had a wide excision done a week later, with clear margins (this was 1/26/11.) My doctor told me that the lesion was 1.3cm in size. I haven't had any other diagnostic tests as of yet. My next appointment for re-check is 3/15/11. I would like to ask about a CT or PET scan, but am unsure what exactly to ask about.


I am an RN Surgical First Assistant. I've worked in the Operating Room for appromimately 25 years. I fully understand the ramifications of oral cancer. I am not willing to undergo heroic surgery, etc...radical neck dissection is totally out of the question...I've done those surgeries. I don't wish to experience one. I am divorced and not in a relationship, no children, no nieces or nephews, no stepchildren. Just me and my parents, who are in their 80's and frail health....oh, and 3 cats (who I love like the children I never had.) All I really care about is staying healthy enough to care for them until they die. Once that happens, I'm also ready to go.

Please give me some suggestions for where I need to go next.

Thank you so much...
Kellijojo