Nate, so sorry you are having a rough spot. Depression and anxiety are TOTALLY normal... you have been through physical and emotional hell. My aunt's depression is just starting to lift. Also, please don't think that the doctors lied to you... your treatment is exactly what is to be expected with the diagnosis.

Most people have no clue how to deal with a loved one or friend who has cancer. They don't know what to say (and often say the wrong/stupid things). You have a finace and family who loves you and many here who love you too! I'd say that is about what most of us have.

Radiation treatments suck but you will come through it and you will improve over time.

I could be wrong but I strongly suspect that most all cancer patients facing treatment begin to question their beliefs about life, purpose, mortality and priorities. Maybe some others can address that here.

Anyway, you are always in my heart and prayer.

Dodie