Nathan: My brother went thru many of the same emotions & anger that you are experiencing. When his wife told me about some of it, I called him and we talked. I was his big sister (by 15 months) and he would tell me things that he was reluctant to tell others. He also listened to me. My advice to him was get some anti-anxiety meds. He was against such 'crutches' but his emotions were running rampant and with good cause. Having tongue cancer (or any cancer) is terrifying. He liked to be in control and anti-anxiety meds were for sissies. Well, he was dealing w/something he had never, ever, dealt with and he obviously needed some help calming the emotional overload. Basically, anti-anxiety drugs work by "soaking up" the excess chemicals (dopamine? I cannot remember) in the brain, so than one can calmly face what is happening. Anxiety and hysteria are can be caused by terrifying situations, like the one you are in right now. You brain produces too much of some neurotransmiter (brain chemical) & you are an emotional wreck. The over-the-top feelings that you expressed so well are a result of the chemical overload. I know this is a simplification but I think it is an accurate one. It isn't your fault you feel like this, Cancer is terrifying.

Anti-anxiety drugs will not make you a zombie. They are far more sophisticated now and they simply help anxious people cope. Think of them as anxiety sponges! Counseling may help also,but to get quick help, ask your doctors about something to calm you down, tell them you are anxious.

Sorry for the longish post but in some ways you remind me of my brother & his very 'guy-like' method of trying to be in control of something over which he had no control. He listened to his 'big-sister' and took the anti-anxiety meds & it really helped him cope with his recovery and eventually, with his reoccurrence. He had two very good years before the reoccurrence.