Suez - I totally agree with what D said about going to Al-anon. My ex-husband was an abusive alcoholic and I went to Al-Anon. When I left after that first meeting, I felt like a giant load had been lifted off my shoulders. After 20 years of marriage, I finally realized that I could not "fix him" and that it was not my responsibility to make him quit smoking. He died a few years ago. You are right, tho' you can't make him stop unless he wants to. The difficulty is instilling in him the desire to do so. What he is doing by continuing to smoke is slow suicide.
Karen - I like how you handled your own situation and the results that you saw. Hope they continue to be positive.
And one more thing - Suez, being a caregiver can be a pretty tough job, so think about doing something nice for yourself every once in a while.