#96924 06-07-2009 06:44 PM | Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 64 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | OP Supporting Member (50+ posts) Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 64 | I know that I am only the caregiver here and sometimes I feel very guilty for getting upset at the cancer. I am not the one that's going through all this. I know that my husband is going through a lot and my heart so much goes out to him. I try to be of any help that I can be. I sometimes feel that I say the wrong things and do the wrong things. He is not one to show emtions but now he is and I am not sure how to deal with all that. I am needing some advice. Pat
Crgvr to Husband 55-yrs, surgery to remove cyst-diagnosed as SCC, 4/3/09 CT & Pet Scan showed more cancer in left lymph node and primary at the base of the tongue.TX Radiation 7 weeks 5 days a week last day is 6/25/09 Chemo completed 6/19/09 Peg Tube 5/22/09
| | | | Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 790 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 790 | Pat- You are great. I know it must seem liek you are mistepping sometimes. There are no guidebooks to dealing with someone going through cancer. You will have good days and bad days. Your presence is a comfort to him I'm sure- even if it seems like he is annoyed by your presence he's probably just processing all that is happening to him and is just getting through it.. dealing with the side effects and just not feeling good.
I often would at teh same time want my husband to go away and be there at the same time. We spent so much time together it as hard sometimes but even when I felt at my worst and just felt sad and upset about all that was hapening to me I still was so thankful to have him by my side-- sometimes I may not have expressed it that way at certain moments when I felt just terrible.
I know this treatment time is so very difficult. You sound lieka very sweet and thoughtful woman- He is lucky to have you.
Hang in there... Take care--- K
Tongue Cancer T2 N0 M0 / Total Glossectomy Due to Location of Tumor
Finished all treatments May 25 2007 Surviving!!!
| | | | Joined: May 2009 Posts: 1,412 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) Joined: May 2009 Posts: 1,412 | You sound like such a great person. I know that often times I would want to be left alone, and then be mad that my husband was not there. How silly is that? I would tell him I want to be alone and he would leave me alone, but then i would want them right there with me. This crappy disease makes people have emotions and do things they would never think about doing. Just hang in there. You can do it!
Angelia 31 at Dx. DX: 4/30/09, 10/21/09 SCC on floor of mouth, T1NOMO, T2N1M0 TX: 39 IMRT, 8 cisplatin 11/30/09 PET/CT: 11/03/09: Lymph node involvement PEG/PORT: 11/09 TX end: 02/01/10 PET Scan: 04/05/10 clear PEG Out: 06/21/10 Biopsy: 12/23/10: fibrosis HBO: 01/04/11 - ORN Baby girl born 11-30-12
| | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 | I think the caregivers job is the hardest myself. Watching my wife juggle me, my kids, finances, her work etc...I got really upset with myself for putting her through that. I couldn't imagine having to sit by and watch, powerlessly, while my spouse fought cancer and not be able to help "fix" it.
You do seem like a great person, hang in there, the sweetest parts of life are in those small moments...
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.
| | | | Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 | [quote] know that I am only the caregiver here [/quote] Oh my theres a statement that needs correcting.ONLY?
You do the job because you want to,you need to,and because you love him.what you won't get for a while is much in the way of job satisfaction.Nurses and doctors get the gratitude ,we carers get the attitude and the crap,but never undervalue what you are doing or the vital part you play in the overall picture.Husbands give us a hard time because they can lol but we cant get our coats on and go home at the end of the shift,and we care and hurt when they are difficult and bad tempered so we get upset and sometimes despondant and even take it all very personally.This forum is design built for us.Come here and get it off your chest,ask advice for specifics,or just shoot the breeze.
It does help
liz
Liz in the UK
Husband Robin aged 44 years Dx 8th Dec 2006 poorly differentiated SCC tongue with met to neck T1N2cM0 Surgery and Radiation.Finished TX April 2007 Recurrence June/07 died July 29th/07.
Never take your eye off the ball, it may just smack you in the mouth.
| | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | ONLY as Liz says....were it not for my caregiver I would be dead today so she ranks right up there with all the cancer specialists who treated me. I couldn't have done it without any of these key players.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
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