Hi Dan,

You already know what the answer is, and of course that is also the problem. There is no way of knowing. Welcome to the Twilight Zone of survivorship. You have made it through all the treatments and now you have nothing to hold on to. I think these days are harder than the days of treatment. First you got to battle with the cancer, now you get to battle with your own mind.

Yes I have been there (yes to some extent I am still there). I compare it to playing Russian roulette every morning when I get up. You spin and then click...you live another day wondering about the next morning.

The solution is to put the revolver away. The gift of an illness like what you have had is now you can appreciate every moment you have. Forget about the unknown. The reality is nobody ever knows when and how this life will end. Even if you had a recurrance it might still be a runaway truck that gets you.

If I told you you had a 10% chance of surviving this would you live differently than if I told you you had a 95% chance? My suggestion is to live every day as though it was the last (we all should cancer or not) Yes you should have a will, yes you should plan with your spouse for worst case options. Then go back to living!

Dealing with this part of your survival does get easier with practice and passing of time.