Hi,

Its been about a year and a half since my dad died and I really thought I was moving on with life fairly well. However, lately I dream about his death two to three times a week. It's as if I'm reliving the whole experience. I know this isn't going to sound very manly, but I wake up crying in the middle of the night. It's similar to the grief that I was experiencing right after his death. In addition, I'm dealing with insomnia again, and when I do fall asleep there's a 50-50 chance that I'll have these dreams. I had taken advantage of grief counseling, but I don't know that talking about it any further is going to help. Honestly, I'm tired of talking about it and thinking about. It was a a slow motion real life helplessness that I do not care to relive. My wife suggested I talk w/someon, but it is what it is. There's nothing I can change about the turn of events. Missing someone is a natural emotion and I thought I had come to terms with the reality of his death. I just wonder if anyone else has experienced this type of reprise of emotions, and if there's anything they did that may have helped. I had gotten rid of the occasional use of valium, xanax and ambien, but now I'm finding I need ambien again if I want to help ensure a night of sleep without having these dreams. I don't want to have to rely on that type of crutch though. Am I being closed minded by not wanting to talk w/someone? I hope it's just a matter of time before things get better emotionally, and they have...it's just out of what seems like nowhere that I'm going through more grieving...and it's kind of intense. I'm not a religious person, and I don't look at things and think that everything happens for a reason or per God's plan - so I'm not a candidate for spiritual counseling. If anyone has any thoughts, I'd sure be interested in hearing them. Thanks.
I hate ending things on downbeat. On a positive note, I'm planning on doing some volunteer work where my mom gets her treatment. Hopefully I can bring something to the table that may help someone going through treatment, or a family member of someone going through treatment. Wish me luck.