Tonya and Karen
Of course there is no easy answer and no magic way any of us can really console you or fix your broken hearts but if you read between the lines in your posts there is a common theme we all need to remember sometimes especially at this time of the year. I don't mean to sound pollyanna but each of you still have people in your lives that are pulling at you to not let your grief over come you... children. Most children typically are very sensitive to what is going on around them and instinctively seem to know when to expect attention and when not to push you to far. I know it doesn't always seem that way but if you look at their behavior in a crisis you'll see it is usually true. Now your children are trying to pull you into the wonder of the holiday season. If only for little moments you take time to share with them the real joys of the season...family,charity,friends,traditions and remember what those times when you had the opportunity to share them with your Mom and your brother mean to you. You will honor them by remembering them and sharing those stories as you make new special memories for your family to carry forward.
Tonya, Davids wife seems to working on detaching probably to protect herself emotionally and while it doesn't seem right to you she is entitled to cope how she chooses please don't judge her too harshly or her love for him by that. Your niece I am sure is going to have her own sense of loss this season, maybe you can do something with her or for her that will be a reflection of your brothers special thoughtfullness? It doesn't have to be extravagant maybe do something her Dad liked to do when you were kids?
Karen, I can imagine how unbelievably hard this will be for you but if your mother truly loved Christmas then don't you think that how much she loved it could be a legacy her granddaughter should know about and is entitled to. I know it hurts but wouldn't you rather have your daughter love Christmas too than just thinking it is time that makes Mommy sad? My Mom lost both her parents in close proximity of her birthday though years apart and since my Grandmother died she says she doesn't want to celebrate her birthday anymore she feels it is jinxed and she's not so hot about the holidays either. I am grown now and it still really upsets me that she feels that way, partly because I know my Grandmother and she wouldn't have liked that attitude or the blame at all.
TRUST ME on this one the holiday doesn't have to be super special for your kids I am sure just plain simple "new normal" whatever that is for you and whatever you feel you can do will be just perfect.
Out of the mouths of babes...I too truly believe in some way that you may not realize, Santa will fix it at least a little bit and through the wonder that is your children and the very special angels who are watching over you will get through it. Hugs AND Strength...Peace Denise