Tonya and all,
I was in the middle of writing a post telling you that it's okay to grieve in your own way for as long as you need, that you need to think of your family, that the holidays are especially hard, etc., etc. Then I realized that a lot of what I was writing has been said so many times before on this forum that most of you already know these things in your head. It's just hard sometimes to get your heart to understand. So I thought that perhaps the best way I could help is to let you know that it truly does get easier.
That may sound trite, but it really is true. Heather has been gone just a bit over 2 years now (October 6, 2003) and I can honestly say that my grief has eased quite a bit. I won't tell you that I never cry anymore, because I still do. But it is a lot less frequent now. And where my crying jags used to last for days or at least hours, they now are usually brief. Like a sudden summer rainstorm, they can be intense, but they pass rather quickly.
I am still angry sometimes at the injustice of it all. I still feel a bit of guilt that I wasn't able to somehow miraculously save Heather. I still ache because my granddaughter Cati has to grow up without her mother. And there is still a hole in my heart that I know will always be there.
BUT, the anger is muted, the guilt has lessened, I can see that Cati is going to be okay and the hole is starting to fill with good memories. I am truly doing much, much better than I was a year ago or even 6 months ago. It may be hard for you to see now, but your grief will diminish, too. Your loved one will always live on in your heart and the day will come when you realize that the good memories outweigh the bad. Your grief will be but a tiny part of you and will rear its head only infrequently.
Tonya, it may help you to go to a grief counselor, but I think it may be more helpful for you to find a grief support group. Being able to share with others who have lost loved ones may be more beneficial. Your husband also needs to realize that you need time to heal. 4 months is but a drop in the bucket when you compare it to the time you had with David and the future time that you should have had with him. You have barely begun the healing process. I hope your husband can give you the time you need.
I think Denise made some really good points. Children can help draw you into the wonder of the season if you will just try to see it through their eyes. It may be hard to do, but trying to share their joy in the season should help you to shed some of your grief, at least for a short while.
Helen,
You are one tough cookie and I know you will get through this, and on your own terms, too. You are exactly right about it being "their" problem, not yours. You have every right to hang on or let go at your own speed. You just keep on keepin' on, girl!
Rainbows & hugs,
Rosie