I can honestly sympathize with the family issues. When I took my teenage son out to lunch yesterday, I had to explain to him why the grandparents aren't around much now that I am dealing with cancer. I used the expression "Well, most families aren't Norman Rockwell" My boy looked at me and said "Mom, I have no idea who this Norman Rockwell is" So, I had to explain to him (sheesh maybe I need to download the paintings)about this artist that painted these idealic families with grandma holding the turkey and all the well behaved generations sitting at the table in appreciation.

Fact of the matter is that most people have baggage. My children do not see me stomping about in anger over our currently estranged relatives, but I have taken the time to explain to them that in particular my own parents, specifically went against my wishes and started babbling on and on for five months about the intimate details of my treatment, what I was dealing with and extremely private stuff that I told them over and over I did not want getting out to the "crazy aunt" with religion issues. Come to find out, the "crazy aunt" probably knew more than I did, as she was getting detailed reports. The last thing I wanted as a cancer patient was to be the subject of gossip at the potlucks, and somehow that is what I became.

It is one of the many reasons I selected this horrible moniker of "Brainstorker" instead of a more familiar one, just to hide from family members.

I can certainly understand the Jerry Springer reference as well. My spouse convinced me, probably against my better judgment, that I keep my parents informed. One would "think" that a diagnosis of a life threatening illness would make people pull together or behave better, but that isn't the case. I feel somewhat in the clear because I did give these people a chance. It is somewhat unfortunate that my having Stage Iv cancer, was simply their opportunity to become some sort of pity party of their own making. For the record, their explanation for going against my wishes was that I "was their child" and they could do whatever they wanted with my information. At 43 years of age at the present time, I felt the need to correct that with "no, I am your ADULT child, and I have a right to my privacy"

All I can say is that I realize you have a full plate and these other issues just make it worse. One never knows what goes through people's heads half the time and how does one explain it?

My parents, I'm sure are waiting to either hear word that I am dead (so they can email and phone everybody without any interference on my privacy issues) or waiting for me to fill them in again with my most intimate details of my life (which I have think I have learned a lesson from the first go round)

The only coping skill that works for me is to stay away from all that give me angst. It is really kind of sad that this includes most of the extended family, but I am concentrating on spending quality time with my children. I consider relatives that have their own agenda to work in regards to my having cancer to be "toxic" to my recovery.

Don't allow it to "eat you up" I know it's hard, but the anger does disolve over time. Since the cancer diagnosis, I've realized exactly how short life can be. I am resolved to live it forward without allowing someone else's baggage attached to it.

Even if my life is going to be short, I'm giving myself the opportunity to ENJOY what I can of it and not be "beholden" to what others want me to dance to. Now if I can only find some Norman Rockwell paintings. This almost reminds me of trying to explain to my children what it was like to "DIAL" the phone instead of pushing touch tone buttons and "life before cable"

Jen