Dear Steph,
Be comforted by the thougtht that what you are feeling is normal.
I lost my mother in 2003, while she was suffering what we thought was a simple bladder infection. Once in the hospital, tests revealed that she had advanced liver and pancreatic cancer. The doctors gave her a month to live. This was coupled with the fact that my husband was on the floor above her with complications due to his tonsillar cancer.
It was the most time stopping experience. I never thought that I might have to fight for the two most important people in my life....at the same time.
Unfortunately, Mama passed away. Dennis is still here. I get mad at them both. Mama was such a steadfast woman who looked after her health, because she had just recently been through triple by-pass. My husband, at the time, could have cared less whether he lived or died. He is still here.
I try and rationalize how people grieve. There is no such thing.
Love.....hurt.......and do what you can to make that person feel loved.
That's the greatest gift.
Mandi