Hi Guys

Thankyou again for all your support. Unfortunately I am in a terrible mess. When I went back to discuss the findings and the suspect site I was pleased to hear that it was actually nothing. However I got really annoyed because what they failed to mention was that infact they have found that they suspect the cancer has moved to my breast and a 2cm tumor is present, i was elaeted to being deflated in two minutes. I had the tumor removed yesterday the oncologist did not want to delay this, which I am grateful for and the tumor was indeed cervical cancer.

The cancer is doing its own thingl and I am fed up of being poked and prodded and having things taken out and things pumped in already!
The oncologist has said that he is putting me on another regime of heavy chemo with a different drug this time, the fisrt did not seem to be getting rid, and I am having Immune therapy with this as well. He said to me that this could go on an off for years (if I am lucky) with what I have. We are all hoping that this more agreessive approach will start to take effect and destroy what is in my blood.

And so I am left standing in no mans land, or so it feels. Not knowing when and where it is going to strike next. The fact that it is moving so fast is really not a good sign and I am preparing for the inevitable. Unfortunately that foggy haze that I felt for so long has lifted (Ifelt safe there) and the bare facts are hitting me in the face. I have been really angry at the people close to me yet again. I had a huge argument yesterday with someone particularly close to me, telling him he did not care, swearing and being a witch. I did not mean to and he has feelings I am am so frightened that I am hurting him as well.

I know this is an oral site and I originally came on here because I had at that point found that it was in my neck although it is actually cervical cancer causing this. You know there are hardly any and any that are good forums on what I specifically have and this forum is amazing and the enrgy and positiveness I get from you guys all helps.
I know what i have is not exactly in lines with what you guys are going through but I hope you don't mind me being on here (silly question maybe). Its just that I feel so alone with what I have and the support out there is few and far between.
I know I am being silly because we all have this dreadful disease and just knowing that there are other people around who can understand my fears and frustrations with this thing makes me feel a little more comfortable.

Yet again I am apologising, my heads all over the place, it has taken me 3 attempts at writing this and I am angry and crying and not good. oh yes I am on anti-depressants as well. They are actually doing a little good although it is hard to believe with the state I am in. I am seeing a counsellor again this week, although I do not put much faith in this.

Arrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!!! All i seem to be doing is apologising and felling terrible and getting mad.

I need to go sorry folks for the freak out...again

Warmest wishes Smarties