Monica,

I wish I could be there to give you a hug. I know exactly what you are going through right now.

I'm 41 and back in March, 4 days before my fathers 75th birthday he was diagnosed with squamos cell carcinoma of the mouth.

From March 21 until May 23 (the day of his surgery) I cried every day. This diagnoses was a devistating blow to our family and totally unexpected as my father never drank, smoked or chewed tobacco. He too is my rock. I live to please him and make him proud. He has given everything to me to give me a better life and I can't imagine life without him.

On the 23rd of May he had an upper maxillectomy and neck dissection. The cancer was found in two lymph nodes. They do feel like they got all the cancer but he still will have to undergo 5 weeks of radiation 5x a week. On top of all this during the surgery he suffered a heart attack and has now been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. We now have cardiology appointments in addition to all the appointments with the radiation doctor, the cancer doctor and the dentist who makes the obturator.

Going into the surgery we had been told that he may never be able to speak again due to damage to the vocal cords. I am happy to report that the vocal cords were not damaged and I still can hear my fathers voice. His speech is different now because of the surgery - he sounds very nasaly and no longer has upper teeth, and the obturator interferres with the movement of his tounge - but he is able to communicate.

The waiting is awful but you have to stay strong in front of him. He will be able to be stronger if he knows that you are strong. This is the time for you to use what he has taught you and show him what you are really made of. Fall apart when you get home. If you find yourself at home alone, scream, cuss, cry, laugh, or kick something. Let it out. It will help you feel better and by letting it out it will help you later should you need to keep it together.

This is just what worked for me. I'm a very emotional person when it comes to Dad. I'd take his place in this if I could, but I can't and it is what it is and I can't change it. Even though we are now faced with RT and the heart problems it has gotten better. Dad was in so much pain from the cancer prior to surgery that he could not have gone on much longer. Hang in there and keep us posted.

Joy