Monica,
welcome to the forum. We exist exactly for people like you and no, you are not boring us.

There are many late staged survivors here, like myself, so do not give up hope. What your dad needs now is someone to go with with him to doctors appointments and take good notes. Many decisions will come flying at you very quickly.

Your best shot is at an NCCN or NCI comprehensive cancer center. CTCA has a very high profile on Quackwatch and I would beware, in spite of their glitzy late night advertising.

Here is a list of resources to get you started:
http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/resources/index.htm#centers

UoM IS a comprehensive cancer center (CCC) and you can't do any better in your area.

Talk to your doctor about some medications to help you through this. I took anti-anxiety meds all throughout and it helped a lot to remove the emotional aspect and stay focused on the treatment decision part.

One thing is for certain though "life is not fair" in spite of all of the lies about it we heard in our youth.

Take a deep breath - we are here for you.