It is very tough to have a cancer diagnosis. You are touching all the issues, but the core issue is likely that he is completely overwhelmed and past caring. As an armchair psychologist it seems like classic severe depression.

Call his RO and see if there is any support that the hospital can give. Also ask about support groups for family members.

I am guessing your mom is not in the picture by what you posted.

I don't know that I could have survived without my wife as my cheerleader. She was there every moment for me.

I am in no way trying to downplay your efforts, it just seems like he has a lot of time on his own to dwell on the "bad" thoughts. They can take control very easily when your not distracted by other things.

I don't think you are being selfish in anyway shape or form. You are probably being way too easy on him. Ask a professional how you should handle the situation.

I would probably tell him to man up, he not dead, he will beat this, but he isn't helping himself. Then again I am the type of person that needs a kick in the ass occasionally.