Wonderful New!
Thought you might find this interesting. I am 40 and the care giver of my husband Stephen who is 62 so we are soul mates unaffected by the generational gap. When my husband was diagnosed just over a year ago, I went into turbo mode for the first month. Its all a blur now but I educated myself and called every specialist in our family and followed their advice to advocate on Stephen's behalf.
Looking back now I know I accomplished little but those little things like faxes to different specialists had to be confirmed so that we could wait a month plus three weeks knowing everything was set to go.
What I learnt is that Cancer related treatments, healing and results go at a certain pace. At one point after Stephen surgery I became too informed about every minute part of oral cancer. It was too the point that I read medical artical upon medical artical, to compare differente studies. Yes, you guessed it, I was looking for hope. It wasn't going to be found in any medical document, that's for sure. I told my family doctor what intense hell I was putting myself through. She said this very bluntly to me. "Its Stephen's right to live fully and who are you to not share his hope". And tadaa, that was it, my three weeks of downward spiral stopped dead in its track!
I made a decision, no a leap of faith to be his best friend and lover again and cheer him on. I haven't looked back and I no longer panic. If there is a problem like the infection that took hold, we don't second guess, we go to the emergency and they take care of it. And just this week Stephen got his first scan since the surgery and we talk about what's on his mind but that is our daily ritual.
I am so grateful that Stephen let me go crazy even though I exhausted myself the first month of his diagnosis. And now, if ever he has a concern, he just asks me what I think. It seams that every day is a search for a new normal, but I guess that's what living in the present to the best of our ability feels like.
As far as generational gap, I must say my initial manic aproach really did not make any sense to Stephen's mom. Which looking back, I understand now, but then, with a stage IV diagnosis and no clue about oral cancer I felt like it was do or die.
So information for the purpose of general understanding is always good. And in time all the confusion that a young adult might go through will find a resolve. Love is the greatest sense maker in all situations. I teach Art & Health and I consider myself fortunate to be embraced and trusted by so many young children. It is an honor to be their teacher and in my way of caring I hope they grow to be true and confidant. I have known children who themselves have faced the great battle and who are so calm and loving. Chidren, and young adults might take what feels like an eternity to process life challenges but it is our solide commitment and belief in them that set their sails high and mighty.
That's the great thing about love, it is free and unconditional and it is with you always.
Thank you for sharing intimate parts of your life, Sophie
