An interesting discussion. Thanks everyone. I agree that openness is the way to go but there are several complicating factors. As a family our lives were turned upside down when I was diagnosed with Stage IIIc ovarian cancer in 1996 when I was 49 and my youngest son 14. It took a long time for the diagnosis to be sorted out and things were very bad initially with an unknown primary and poor prognosis. My kids were going through their adolescent angst and we'd never been open as a family. My husband and I both found it hard to talk about such things so we protected the younger two boys while taking the eldest more into our confidence. That pattern continued through two more cancer episodes and the HORRIBLE process of my husband being diagnosed with dementia in his early 70s. Youngest lives in the UK (but came home for 6 weeks to look after me in Feb), middle avoids his Dad and the eldest visits him dutifully. To make matters more complex, I have bounced back strongly from each cancer episode (so far). After a few months of floundering, they see me pounding the pavements, digging the garden, arguing about politics and generally being the same old Mum. The two younger lads are still not fully aware of what I continue to go through while the eldest takes it upon himself to be the stalwart. Part of me wishes he'd go the whole hog and read the pages about OC on this website but I'm too scared to suggest it and really why should he?

The other two have shown plenty of devotion but only at times when the situation flares up:)

When I have a scare my first or second thought is for the boys and how it's going to affect them, especially my middle one who is devastated about his father. When he got married in March, I was only JUST able to attend and his father is so far gone he could not.

Have just read over what I've written and recognise that my "thinking" is a bit flawed, predicated on the false premise that adults in their 30s can't handle what I can, but heck, it's hard to deal with.