I hear you, and I am very sorry that you are in that space. Many of us have been there, but HAVE lived to see that the sun can shine again.

You need to get to your doctor and explain your feelings. Family - as much as they try - cannot understand what we have been through - they expect that now that the treatment phase is over you are all better. We are not 'all better'. See your doctor for depression treatment - immediately if not sooner.

In my humble opinion, we are never 'cured' of this cancer. It likes to come back, and it is our job to make sure we don't give it a reason to come back. This cancer LOVES smoke, and it LOVES alcohol. Please do not give it a reason to come back. I think your doctor was perhaps poorly educated to use the term "cured". "No Evidence of Disease" is about all we can hope for.

Please ask your doctor for referral to a psychologist / psychiatrist as well as the medication he/she will likely prescribe. Remember that depression meds take a couple of weeks to kick in and you can use that time to eliminate the alcohol and reduce the smoking with a view to quitting VERY soon. Use the patch, use the mist, use whatever the heck you need to - but for YOUR health - you need to quit.

There are online websites to help with quitting smoking and please use every resource available. This is a nasty addiction and even 10.5 years after quitting, it is still something that I occasionally still have to think about.

Try www.quitnet.com - free online quit smoking website where you can commiserate with people who are going through the same things you are going through. Never quit quitting. Do not GIVE the cancer a reason to come back.

Hugs, and please write after you have been to the doctor.

Please go today if possible.

Donna